Many women experience the quandary of simultaneously feeling “too much” and “not enough”. They’re told they’re too loud, but if they’re not loud enough, they are not memorable. Women can’t be too attractive, because then they are threatening, but if they are not attractive enough, they are deemed as lacking value. There feels like there is no “right” way to “be”, leaving women in a double bind that many women recognize.
‘Too opinionated’ is no different. It isn’t a psychological construct, it’s a subjective social label. Whether someone is perceived as ‘too opinionated’ often reflects cultural expectations, gender norms, and compatibility more than an objective personality characteristic. Despite its subjectivity, women are usually more likely to get criticized for being direct or confident, even if their behavior mirrors their male counterparts.
However, there is a dialectic to hold that clear communication and thoughtful opinions vary from rigid or dismissive interactions. These patterns, not even the content, cause issues in relationships. Unfortunately, women’s behavior often gets clumped to believing the two (directness vs rigidity) are synonymous.
Ghosting comes into play here when women are not provided context into why a relationship ended. For women who are clear about their experiences and expectations and then get ghosted, this could be a product of their former partner conflating the aforementioned issues. The partner may be fearing conflict due to the woman’s ‘directness’, when in reality, they may be shying away from a conversation that just need accountability or honesty.
Fortunately, this is actually a great litmus test for seeing who a person is. If you are ghosted and an ‘opinionated woman’, this weeds out partners who can not have difficult or vulnerable conversations, or shy away from authenticity.
Healthy relationships require acceptance, understanding, and mutual collaboration. Getting ghosted might just be the best thing that could happen to you.
If this is happening frequently, some reflection could be beneficial. Start looking at the quality of partner you are pursing or check in if you are communicating in a way that holds curiosity, respect, and openness, all while standing firm in your authentic views. Either way, ghosting is a painful and confusing experience that no one deserves.